Sherlock's Journal
by flowintoabeat
Summary: John makes Sherlock write a daily journal on his lap top to channel his stress in a more healthy way. Sherlock inadvertently stumbles upon some emotions he didn't want to find through writing. *Please review! You can help me make the story better!
1. The Plate

_September 29__th_

_John is making me write in this virtual journal. Apparently it is supposed to help your emotional stress. He says that if I do not write at least three paragraphs everyday he won't let me bring home body parts for my experiments. He says that if I don't write in my journal and bring body parts into 221B, he will leave and find a new place to stay, and that is unacceptable._

_Earlier today, I made John very upset. During one of my 'boredom fits', as John call them, I knocked over a glass plate that his grandmother had given him. He didn't even yell at me. He looked at me once, and then he picked the pieces off the ground, threw them away, and went upstairs. Why did that make feel worse than usual?_

_I felt so awful that I wrote a piece of music for him. I knocked on his door to ask him to hear it, but he told me he didn't feel like coming out and to just leave him be for the night. I will knock on his door again in the morning. Maybe, I'll bring him some tea or something as an apology. I don't like it when John is upset with me._


	2. The Silent Treatment

_September 30__th_

_This morning I knocked on John's door. He'd already woken up so it was only a moment before he greeted me. I had made him tea, without anything, the way he prefers it. He thanked me and only took a sip of it, then left it on the side table next to his chair and went to work._

_He barely said a word to me the whole morning. I don't understand what I am supposed to do to get him to speak to me. When he returned from work I even tried to make small talk. I would do anything to get him to say more than two words at a time. I'm dearly afraid that tomorrow he'll come down stairs with all his belongings packed up and just leave. I can't let that happen._

_Maybe, if I make John realize how I really need him, he'll find it in his heart to stay. I'll get Lestrade to find me a case, any case. Even a boring one, I just need John to stay. _


	3. The Case

_October 1st_

_As I wrote yesterday, I contacted Lestrade and told him to get me the best case he could find, he managed to find a tolerable case to bring John on. The hard part was getting John out of the 221B. I convinced him by saying that I desperately needed him help me. I could tell he didn't believe it, and was more just agreeing to come to quiet me._

_It was a simple case really, took me seconds to decipher the murderer's identity, motive, and murder weapon, which he had hidden in plain sight in the victim's silverware drawer. I looked to John after I told Lestrade and his crew my deductions, but I didn't feel very satisfied. John didn't say so much as an 'Impressive' the whole time._

_I offered to get take out, but he said he wasn't hungry. This John predicament is getting frustrating. If he doesn't at least explain himself and this annoying and complete ignorance of me, __**I**__ will have to get the ball rolling. I'm not sure if I can handle this much longer._


	4. The Deceit

_October 2__nd_

_John bloody Watson fooled me. After John came home from work and continued to deny my existence, I confronted him. Asking him what I needed to do to get him to speak with me for more than two seconds. He laughed in my face. John bloody Watson laughed in my face. He told me he was putting on the act to get me to realize I should be more careful with his things._

_I don't know how that man managed to put on an act and obscure the truth to me. I should've known John wouldn't ignore me for good. It was very silly of me to think such a thing, if I'm being honest with myself. I probably just let my emotions get in the way my clarity with the situation. John's the only person I've ever let get the better of my coherence._

_After John was done laughing at my expense I performed the song I'd written for him originally. When I finished John looked at me with oddest face. He noticed my bemusement and awkwardly coughed before complimenting the piece and going up to his room for the night. I wonder why he'd been staring at me so intently before…_


	5. A Day Out

_October 3__rd_

_Today had a very pleasant start. Lestrade had yet to contact me with a new case and I was beginning to feel a bit restless; John, being back to his normal self, noticed my restlessness, and offered to take a walk with me. I reluctantly agreed; there were many other things I could be doing with my time, such as starting my new experiment on blood cell survival rates in a humid environment, or going through the papers and regular news websites for interesting cases, but I figured John might take it badly if I said no._

_I am glad that I said yes, though, because even though John and I didn't talk much, it was the most fun I'd had with him in weeks. I felt very much at peace, which is an odd feeling for me. John seems to know how much his presence calms me* and is taking advantage of it._

_We went to Regent's Park and just wandered about for a good while before John noticed how dark it was and said he needed to get to the store before it got too late. I was disappointed by our walk being cut short, but said nothing. He quickly got a cab and I immediately started pondering John in my mind. _

_I didn't notice it, but I must've just sat on the nearest bench and slipped into my mind palace. By the time I came to, it was 2 am, and John was shaking my shoulders. He was very angry that I hadn't gone back to the apartment, that he'd called me at least a dozen times, etc. I don't understand why he cares about my whereabouts and wellbeing so much. We are just flat mates, or that's what he thinks of us at least…_

_*Possible experiment?_


	6. A Discussion

_October 4__th_

_This morning I came to the conclusion that whatever emotional attachment I've made with John needs to be terminated, but to be safe I went to talk with Mrs. Hudson. I'm not exactly known to be the best with handling situations that don't have to do with murder, so I've relied on her guidance with such things in the past._

_I described my feelings for John to her. She listened intently. She's very kind to me, one of the only people who are kind to me. After I finished she told me that obviously my attachment to him was a romantic one, and that I shouldn't try to dismantle it, but instead build it up instead. I didn't try to argue with her._

_It's strange being so confused about something. It's not a sensation I'm used to. I'm not sure whether I should follow Mrs. Hudson's advice to further my attachment to John, or follow my brother's old saying of that love is a disadvantage that should be avoided at all costs. _

_Not that I'm so far along that line as to say I'm in __**love **__with John, but to develop this relationship would ultimately end in love. Clearly I need to visit my mind palace to examine the options._


	7. Planning

_October 5__th_

_I've made my decision. My conclusion is that John Watson is the only person I've ever felt this close to before, and I still want to be closer. The only way I can think of to be closer to him is to have a romantic relationship with him. Therefore I will have to ask him to consider this proposal. _

_I've done some research on how to go about such things. It's very tedious because I can't ask John to go to the store and pick up a bouquet of flowers, chocolate, and the cheesiest romance card he can find without making him curious. So tomorrow I'm going to pick up the things, put on my best suit while John is at work, and to Mrs. Hudson's request (demand) she will help me become presentable._

_Planning all this is making me wonder how people go to this much effort all the time. It doesn't seem this hard doing it for John, but it's odd to think that so many other people harbor the same feelings I do for completely different people. _

_It's hard to admit, but I actually am nervous. It doesn't matter if I feel nervous; I'm still going to go through with it. I must._


	8. The Giggles

Author's Note:

Hi guys, thanks so much for the reviews and follows. Your reviews inspire me and keep me writing! Now for business.

In this chapter John and Sherlock will have first person povs. Also in this fic, Sherlock's deductions about his relationship with his sister in A Study In Pink motivate John to work on being closer to Harry, and by this point they are really good friends and communicate on a daily basis. So ya… Background info, OVER!

_**Sherlock:**_

_October 6__th_

_Today did not go as planned. After going through all the work, even letting Mrs. Hudson do my hair, John laughed at me. He came home from work, and as normal procession, went up to his room to get changed into his casual clothing. _

_I followed him up and knocked on his door. I didn't even get a word out before John busted out giggling. I could not stand for that and left in a hurry. I suppose I can admit that I was a bit dramatic with my departure; throwing the flowers and chocolates at him was rather theatrical, but he deserved it!_

_I've locked myself in my room. Since I'm so very amusing I might as well just forget about this whole John nonsense. It was foolish to think John would actually agree to be my partner. It was an exceedingly inane idea._

_**John (Text Messages):**_

_John: I've buggered up good this time, Harry_

_Harry: jfc, what've u done this tme_ _?_

_John: Sherlock. I've upset him._

_Harry: The elusive detective tht u have a crush on? What'd u do, insult his smartiness or smthng_ _? _

_John: I may have lost my chance to ever develop past a crush._

_Harry: O god, what happened_ _?_

_John: He came up to my room after work wearing a lavish suit with his hair did up and neat, with the most nervous smile on his face. He looked so silly and adorable I just…_

_Harry: U DID NOT._

_John: I did._

_Harry: U LAUGHED AT HIM_ _?!_

_John: It was only a loud giggle… I couldn't help it!_

_Harry: What did he do_ _?!_

_John: He stormed off and into his room after throwing flowers and a box of chocolates at me. He won't come out and is blaring his pouty, obnoxious violin music so loud I can't hear myself think._

_Harry: Oh, John how could u! It's already 11 o' clock. Just leave him alone 4 the rest of the night and come up with a good speech to win him over tmrrw._

_John: Alright_

_Harry: U r such an idiot._

_John: I know._


	9. John's Prying

John sat in the living room waiting for Sherlock to come out of his room. Luckily today was a Saturday so he wouldn't have to go to work, so he had all the time he needed to wait Sherlock out.

It was around 10 AM; usually by this time on a Saturday Sherlock was running about the flat with test tubes or shooting the walls, but alas, he was still in his room doing god knows what. John had knocked and yelled trying to get Sherlock out, but the only response he got was a few moans and grumbles.

John was reading the newspaper in his Lazy Boy when Sherlock finally ambled out of his room. John got up quickly and stopped Sherlock before he got to the door.

"Sherlock, I really need to speak with you about what happened yesterday. I know y-"

"John, I don't have time for that. Just forget about yesterday, it doesn't matter anymore." Sherlock said and held John back as he went around him and out the door.

John watched Sherlock go down the stairs and then leave 221. He sighed and rubbed his forehead and was at a loss as what to do now.

John dragged his feet back into the apartment and was about to go back up to his room when the slightly opened door to Sherlock's room caught his eye.

John looked around him pointlessly, already knowing no one was watching him, and slipped into Sherlock's room. This was the first time John had ever even seen the detective's room, and to be frank he had expected shelves of jars with brains in them. Or a huge metal table with body parts on it, or something equally disgusting, but it was actually really neat.

John mentally shrugged and lay down on the bed. He stretched his hands out, spreading his fingers over the soft material, sighing with relief as he relaxed into the bed. Only when John smelled Sherlock on the pillow as he curled up did he realize that he what he was doing. He quickly sat up and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

John then noticed Sherlock's lap top, sitting idly and open on the bed side table. After a second or two of thought he grabbed the lap top and started snooping. If Sherlock felt as free as to go through John's stuff, John had the same right , too, right?

He looked around the desktop and found a folder marked _Journal. _He clicked and found a bunch of documents titled dates from the past week or so.

'Huh, so he actually is writing that journal...' John thought. He was legitimately surprised with Sherlock's honesty about the demand John had made. The cursor hovered over the first document.

'I shouldn't read these. I should not. I should not. I should not.' John thought as he opened the document and started reading.

John read all of the journals including that day's unfinished one:

* * *

_October 7__th_

_I know that today John is going to attempt to speak with me about yesterday, and try to console me and convince me that he actually wants to be with me, but I won't let him. He wouldn't even have noticed that potential relationship if I hadn't made myself so stupidly vulnerable by almost proposing a relationship._

_I'm just trying to spare us both the torment of trying to sustain a hopeless romance._

* * *

John was just finishing the last sentence when Sherlock walked in with a vivid look on his face, mouth turned down in an intimidating grimace, and an enraged gaze fixed to John's eyes.


End file.
